Baby Dreams

My Name is Maria, and I Am a Slug

OK - I am a complete slug.  I have neglected to finish responding to all of the kind people who have left comments and e-mails for me . . . (I swear I will get to it at some point).  Just please, please know that I do read everything that people write and I really appreciate all of the support that everyone has given me.  It helps so much to know that I am not alone . . .

In other news, I am going on vacation tomorrow (it is a last minute thing - we just booked it last Friday night).  So, yeah!!  Although, this means that I probably won't be posting for another week . . .

I have so much to write about:  I went to a bridal shower last weekend and I have a treasure trove of stories about this woman (who is not infertile herself, but for some reason liked telling - or rather, mis-telling - stories about her infertile friends/acquaintances - not realizing that there were at least 3 women in earshot who actually were infertile and did not find this topic to be juicy party gossip.  Sigh.)  Also, one of my very best friends is back in the country for the Summer (she has been in Africa - more specifically, Namibia - for the last year teaching a "semester abroad program" for college students).  I got to see her on Sunday - which was fantastic . . .

Right now, I need to scramble around and get my act together so that we can leave this popsicle stand tomorrow . . .

And, I will really buckle down and be a better blogger when I return! 

Hot Mess

This has been the absolute WORST cycle aftermath that I have ever been through.  It all started Thursday night (the night before my "official" pregnancy test):  I woke up in the middle of the night in a disgusting sweaty puddle.  I was actually so sweaty that I was stuck to the sheets and my hair seemed wet (I told you it was disgusting!).  These "night sweats" are particularly odd because - just ask my husband - I AM ALWAYS COLD (under normal circumstances).  Fortunately, these night sweats have been slowly tapering.  Last night, I was only a little sweaty . . . more clammy.  Maybe tonight I will be back to sweet sweat-less slumber?  Dare to dream . . . . Apparently, all of this sweating is due to my sudden drop in hormones.  I've never had this happen to me after a cycle before, but then again - my OHSS was never so bad before.  Perhaps, there is a correlation?  I've also been having HORRIBLE headaches.  Grrrrrrrr . . . I got my period yesterday and the cramps were even more horrific than usual.  Thank goodness I had that Vicodin prescription that I brought home with me from the hospital . . . Vicodin and a glass of wine makes almost anything tolerable (Not that I endorse mixing narcotics and alcohol.  Just say "no," kids.)

I also wanted to thank everyone who left me supportive comments both during and after this cycle.  It really touched me.  (I promise I will respond to all of you before the weekend is through). 

Today is the first day that I am physically feeling half-way normal.  I'm still not my same old self - but I am getting there.  Last night was the first night I was able to sleep lying flat (without pain) - so YEAH for small victories!!  I can't wait until I am back to sleeping on my belly (Speaking of which, my belly has gone down considerably. I'm still a bit puffy in my lower abdomen - but I am a shadow of the size that I was only a week ago.)

Emotionally . . . well, that is another story.  Honestly, I am a bit of a wreck.  I'm fine, fine, fine, not fine (explosion of tears).   If that makes any sense.  I'm not sure what we are going to do next.  On Friday, my husband said that - if I wanted to - we could try another IUI cycle.  I don't know what I want anymore.  If we do try "this" again - I need to wait a couple of cycles.  My body needs a break.  I think my hormones need to stabilize before I can make a rational decision.  I'm just SO sick of . . . everything.  I wish they could put me into some kind of medical coma; cycle the HECK out of me; and only wake me up when I am 12 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby.  I must be really sick to think that this plan sounds like a most excellent solution . . .Sigh.  I guess I will have to actually remain conscious through whatever path we take, however painful.      

Over and Out

My beta was 1.6.  So, it seems to be a chemical pregnancy (as I guessed).

What Fresh Hell

My OHSS peaked Monday night, when I woke up at 11:30pm because I could no longer painlessly breathe - even sitting up at a 90 degree angle.  I sat there for an hour - hoping that the "breathing pain" would disappear and I could just fall back asleep until my RE's office opened.  Unfortunately, that nagging pain wouldn't stop - and waiting for another 7 hours in my state seemed impossible.  So, I tried calling my RE's answering service - and, the lucky girl that I am, it seems that they had forgotten to switch the phone lines over to the answering service that night.  My RE was unreachable.  So, my husband ended up taking me to the ER - because painful breathing - that can't be avoided even when sitting upright - is quite scary.  Of course, the hospital tried calling my RE as well - but they ran into the same difficulty that I had in locating him - and they ended up calling my OB/GYN.  They admitted me for severe OHSS.  I was hoping to get drained - but apparently lung draining is actually surgery - so they wanted to keep me for observation before resorting to that.  They gave me some very low dose Vicodin for my pain - so that I could rest.  It helped immensely.  Amazingly by late the next afternoon, the OHSS began abating and I was allowed to leave by Tuesday evening.  Sure, I still have a bit of fluid around my lungs - and I am still on bed rest and I still have to sleep sitting up, but at least I am no longer in pain when sitting up (hooray for small victories).  I've actually lost 5 lbs in the last 48 hours (which means that I still have 7 lbs of excess in my abdomen - but it feels SO much better).  My belly is starting to soften a bit and deflate . . .

Basically, since I've been home, I've been sleeping and watching bad television.  I haven't really had the strength to post until now (and, even now, it is taking all of my energy).  I'm just plain tired.  (I PROMISE that I will respond to each and every kind person who has left me a comment or an e-mail in the last week or two - I've been just barely existing lately). 

As far as the HPT's:  they are still at the exact same lightness as they were at 10dpo.  It is now 13 dpo.  I am sensing a chemical pregnancy.  The same thing happened with my last chemical pregnancy.  I have my beta test tomorrow - so we'll know for sure.  But, I am assuming it is a chemical pregnancy for now.

I am feeling a bit irritated with everything.  I don't understand how I developed such a severe case of OHSS with the same low dose of stims as I had two months ago.  I am guessing that it is because I only took one month off in between cycles and that my ovaries were still a bit "ramped up" from my last IUI cycle . . . but who knows?  Really, the whole reason for doing an IUI was that it was supposed to have a low impact on my life . . . well, that and it was a hell of a lot cheaper than any other path.  But, when I started on the IUI path - I never imagined that I would end up with a worse case of OHSS than with my pregnant IVF cycle.  Even when they warned me about OHSS this time - I still didn't imagine that it would be worse than last time.  I thought I just might have a mild case - you know - sore and slightly puffy . . . I really don't know if I can risk going through this again. 

I feel so profoundly sad that this could very well be the end of the road for me. 

Who the Hell Knows

Thank you for all of the encouragement on the "darker" second line . . . but here is the thing:  The lines have gotten lighter since then - although they are still positive.  Today's and yesterday's are about the same.  The lines are much more apparent in person - but here's the photo anyway:

I don't know what to think.  I'm guessing I was just more dehydrated on 7dpo? So, maybe I'm pregnant, maybe not . . . These hpt's are driving me mad.  Could the trigger still be in my system.  Is that possible 12 days post trigger?  Or maybe it is some weird combination of a little bit of trigger and a little bit of pregnancy?

In other news, my OHSS has gotten worse (the nurses at my fertility clinic are all saying that this most likely indicates pregnancy - I hope it is true).  I noticed it was getting worse over the weekend, but I decided to wait until today to call the clinic.  I would have had to go to the office downtown over the weekend - and I just didn't feel like going all the way down there when they probably wouldn't do anything anyway.  So, today I went into the local office.  It turns out my ovaries are 10cm each - and the fluid in my lower abdomen has decreased (because there isn't any room - my ovaries are taking up ALL the space) - but the fluid around my lungs has increased sharply (It seems my giant ovaries are pushing all of the fluid upwards).  This increase in fluid is VERY uncomfortable.  If I try to recline AT ALL, it burns when I breathe. So, sleeping is pretty complicated. The absolute slightest exertion is knocking the wind out of me.  If I bend over, my chest burns from the fluid.  But, here is the pickle:  they don't like to drain your lungs unless you are basically at death's door (because it would require a hospital stay and it is much riskier than draining your abdomen).  So, for now - as long as I can still breathe while I sit - I am to sit on the couch and only get up when absolutely necessary and drink lots of Gatorade and eat salty snacks.  Sigh.  Obviously, if my breathing becomes labored while I am simply sitting - I am to call the office - otherwise, I go back on Wednesday for more monitoring.

I've told you that I look completely ridiculous, but here is a visual (I've circled the part of my stomach that wasn't there a week ago).  And, yes, I am in my pj's.

I've gained 12 pounds of fluid since trigger - all in my belly - as you can see.  My husband thinks I am pregnant with an alien that is going to burst out of my stomach at any moment . . .

It hurts to move.

I'm sorry that I haven't been answering my e-mail or responding to posts - I will catch up soon. I just feel like . . . crap.   

Wicked Games

I woke up at 4:30 in the morning with an absolutely SEARING pain in my upper abdomen, just below my breasts. Since I was awake, I decided to take a pregnancy test (it was my second one - I took my first one yesterday - I broke down and bought a bunch on Wednesday afternoon).  Now, here is where the mind games start:  I swear today's test (at 7dpo) was darker than yesterday's.  But, I KNOW that judging the darkness of HPT's isn't necessarily accurate.  It is possible that it is still lingering HCG from the trigger - since my trigger lingered and lingered last time - but I know last time the hpts got lighter and lighter.  Ugh!  The madness!  And it is ridiculously early to be thinking I got a positive . . . . but, since I might be pregnant with a litter, anything is possible.  I don't think I'll believe I am pregnant unless these positives continue until next Wednesday. 

Anyway, if you are as neurotic as I am, you'll want to play along at home (warning:  staring at these hpt's can drive you MAD.  Click on photo to enlarge, for further scrutiny.)

I can't look at these tests any longer . . .

Back to the searing pain . . . It was horrific.  I was actually moaning as I tried to find a semi-comfortable position.  Finally, I propped myself up in a sitting position and, after about an hour, the pain diminished and I was able to drift back to sleep.  So, this morning, I called the fertility clinic and explained that I had gained 2.5 pounds since yesterday and that I was nauseous and had a horrible pain in my upper abdomen.  The nurse wanted me to come in for an ultrasound, blood draw and urinalysis (fun, fun, fun).   Sure enough, my ovaries have swelled even more since Wednesday and I have free fluid in my abdomen and above my diaphragm.  At this point, it isn't enough fluid to drain - so we just wait and watch. I was given strict instructions to move as little as possible and rest, semi-reclined (not completely flat) with my legs elevated.  I was also instructed to drink at least a liter of Gatorade a day and to eat salty snacks (such as potato chips or pretzels).  I've never had a nurse tell me before that I need to sit on the couch and each potato chips!  The thing is - I am finding it very hard to eat.  I think my stomach is being squished by my massive ovaries and the excess fluid.  I feel hungry and then I feel full after one or two bites.

Anyway, if my symptoms worsen, I am to go in to the office over the weekend for more monitoring and a possible drain.  Otherwise, I am to call the office on Monday and let the nurse know if I am feeling better, the same, or worse.  If I am the same or worse, I'll go back into the office on Monday for monitoring.

I feel like absolute hell. 

I'll write more soon. 

Progesterone Update

I missed the nurse's phone call, but she left a message that my progesterone level was greater than 40 (I'm guessing that means 40-something?).  She also reiterated that I am on "pelvic rest" until further notice:  no lifting, no intercourse, no exercise . . . the usual.

So, I am to continue with 200mg Prometrium twice a day and come in on the 20th for a pregnancy test. 

I am simultaneous telling my uterus to be accepting of all embryos and telling my ovaries to relaaaaaaax.

All My Eggs in One Crazy Basket

As you may remember, I had an appointment this  morning at my RE's office.  My ultrasound revealed that I have mild to moderate OHSS (not much of a shock, really).  My left ovary is at 8.3 cm and my right is at 7.6 cm.  No wonder I am so very puffy.  Basically, I am to weigh myself daily and call if I gain more than 2 lbs. in 24 hours or if I have shortness of breath, etc . . . So far, I have been gaining about 1 lb/day.  So, hopefully, my ovaries don't get too much larger . . .

Oh, and my ultrasound technician revealed that I ovulated 15 eggs.  ????  Just when I was about to freak out - she told me that releasing 15 eggs, doesn't mean that they were all mature (thank God!)  Although, if I did have 15 mature - there would be a much better chance of having a normal one . . . but, a potential pregnancy of 15 embryos doesn't sound . . . safe.  But, I am getting ahead of myself.  I am just going to hope for a positive pregnancy test - and then (if we are lucky enough to get that positive test) start wondering how many "stuck."

Speaking of pregnancy tests, my "official" pregnancy test (blood HCG) is on Friday, June 20th.  So far, I have had amazing restraint and I have not taken a single HPT (mostly because I haven't gotten around to buying any yet).

I should hear back on my Progesterone level this afternoon.  I will update when I get the call.

Something that I've noticed is that my belly starts off in the morning not feeling "as" big - but as the day wears on, it seems to swell.  By the end of the day, I swear I will burst.  For example, this morning, I put on my pants an zipped them up with only slight discomfort.  By the end of my appointment at my RE's office, I couldn't wait to get in the car and unzip my pants. 

Also, I am feeling very weepy.  Everything makes me cry.  Happy things.  Sad things. Things that should not cause any emotional reaction what-so-ever.  I had to stop myself from sobbing twice on the way to the RE's office this morning.  Once was because there was a lady bug crawling on my windshield and I started thinking about how my grandmother used to tell me that they were good luck.  I am a basket case. 

Oh, and I woke up this morning at 4:45 with horrific heartburn.  I am imagining that it is from the Prometrium, but who knows?    

Dizzy, Sore and Round

My belly is enormous.  I look like I'm six months pregnant  (Still, if anyone has the gall to ask me if I am pregnant - I am going to lose it.  Lose it!  I am hormonal and I am not afraid to FREAK THE F**K OUT.)   I think I'm waddling.  Damn ovaries.  It is hard to go from zero to six months pregnant-looking in less than a week.  My husband claims that I am doing a stellar job of hiding my ridiculously large belly under some empire-waist numbers.  I hope it is true.  Anyway, I am drinking copious amounts of water and Gatorade to try to fend off more severe OHSS and trying not to move any more than necessary.  Fortunately, I am an expert slug.

My breasts have been verrrrrry painful too.

I started Prometrium (oral progestrone) yesterday (400 mg/day total - 200mg twice a day).  Now, I am feeling dizzy. 

So, I am dizzy and sore and round.  Perfect.

Other than that, things are great.  We got tons of rain (thunderstorms galore) over the weekend, so I didn't feel too bad about staying on the couch.  The rain was also excellent news for my garden.  (Grow garden, grow!)   

My husband made a delicious anniversary dinner for me (I taught him everything he knows - which is basically one meal - but he does it very well).  He made Steak au Poivre, French Fries, Roasted Stuffed Tomatoes and, for dessert, Chocolate Mousse a l'orange.  Yum.

I can't help but wonder what (if anything) is happening inside me.  If we successfully conceived, my embryo(s) should be 8 cells by now.  If we conceived, I wonder how many embryos are floating around in my tubes - mostly in my left one . . .

Wednesday is my next appointment at my RE's office:  Progesterone check + ovulation confirmation.  I promise to keep you posted. 

My IUI Adventure

As you know, I had my very first IUI yesterday.  (I imagine the "typical" infertility patient has her first IUI well before her first IVF cycle, but I suppose I am just special that way.)  So, here's the skinny on my experience with IUI:

My husband met me at home to produce his "sample."  Then, we drove over to our clinic, with the sample nestled warmly in my bosom.  We dropped off the sample for analysis/washing/concentrating - and were given an hour.  So, we drove over to the local Panera for free WiFi and a snack.  When we returned to the clinic one hour later, we were escorted to a room.  The nurse asked how I was feeling.  I said "a little bloated."  Then, she said, "Oh, you're going to get much worse before you get better - with all of those eggs."  Then she gave me the OHSS speech again and told me to relax as much as possible over the next week or two . . . Next, the nurse showed us the results of the semen analysis.  Of course, my husband didn't abstain for 48 hours prior (because we had sex on Wednesday, incorrectly assuming that our IUI would be on Friday) - but his results were still fine.  We had 25million sperm with 85% motility.  That seems like more than enough for my 7 eggs.   Then I was told to disrobe from the waist down and "assume the position" (you know: hop up on the table, scoot your ass to the edge, put your feet in the stirrups, and coyly drape a paper cloth over your lady bits.)  The nurse returned, inserted the speculum and cranked it open (a bit uncomfortable)  then inserted the catheter into my uterus (ouch!  There was definitely a pinch.) then released the sperm.  I felt a bit crampy and odd - kind of fizzy in the middle - but it was all over lickety-split.  Then, she extended the table, so that I could take my feet out of the stirrups and place them on the newly extended table, and she angled up the bottom of the exam table, so that my hips were lifted about 15-20 degrees (I never knew the table could do that!).  The nurse put a pillow under my head and instructed me to wait 10 minutes, then we could leave.  And that was that.

Well, do you remember how I said that I was only "a little bloated" yesterday.  Well, today I am feeling the wrath of my ovaries. 

I. Am. So. Painfully. Swollen.

It hurts to sit.  It hurts to walk.  The stairs are torture.  I had forgotten how this feels. 

I hope this works.

I start taking oral progesterone (Prometrium) on Sunday (200mg pill, twice a day).  Then, I go back to the RE's office on Wednesday to confirm ovulation and check my progesterone level. 

Tomorrow is our 5th wedding anniversary.  Something tells me that I won't be up to too much activity.  But, if this works - it will be the best anniversary gift ever!  If it doesn't work . . . well, I don't want to think about that right now . . .

E2 Update

My E2 today was 3571.  Yesterday it was 2169. 

(For reference, in my last IVF my E2 @ trigger was 3646 and I ended up with OHSS & fluid around my lungs.  Fun, fun, fun). 

If I end up pregnant - I am basically guaranteed OHSS.  I must be a bit of a masochist.  Or maybe I just like the gatorade?  (I don't really like the gatorade). 

Holy Follicles, Batman!

You'll never guess what I just did?  I just triggered.  Yes, at 9am in the morning.  Crazy.  I've never had a morning trigger before. 

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

I went in to the office this morning for ultrasound and here is what we saw:

Left: 19mm, 18mm, 17.5mm, 17mm, 16.5mm, 15.5mm, 15mm, 12mm, 11, + smaller ones

Right: 17.5mm, 15mm, 15mm, 14.5mm, 13.5mm, 11.5mm + smaller ones

Clearly, my left ovary is doing all of the work this month.

So, then I got the mandatory speech from my IUI nurse.  You know, where she says that it looks like I will be ovulating at least 6 follicles (probably 7, possibly 10).  I had to confirm that I knew the risks of multiples and that I was comfortable with the idea of multiples and reducing if necessary.  (As if I will EVER need to reduce with my scrambled eggs, but I humored her and confirmed that I would reduce, if necessary).  I also had to confirm that I understood that I was at high risk for OHSS.  (Been there, done that.  I guess I should stock up on the Gatorade). 

Anyway, the IUI is tomorrow afternoon @ 3pm central time.  So, think of me.  (Of course, we need to arrive an hour early to drop off my husband's genetic contribution - so that it may be properly washed and spun and concentrated.  By the way, how does all of that spinning in a centrifuge not make the sperm dizzy and disoriented?  I get dizzy on a tilt-a-whirl.)

So, I am feeling pretty excited.  Yet, there is this tiny voice inside me that can't help but wonder if I am completely mad for trying this with so many mature follicles.  We shall see . . .

My RE Is a Cowboy and I Love Him

The nurse from my RE's office just called.  So dim is the prospect of me ovulating a chromosomally normal egg - that my doctor is willing to roll the dice with potentially 8 mature follicles.  Should I be happy about this?  In any event, I will be stimming one more night and I return to the office again tomorrow for my daily prodding and poking.  In all of the excitement, I forgot to ask what my E2 was today.  Oh well.  I dare say that I will definitely trigger tomorrow.  So, IUI on Friday?  My husband is definitely excited about the delay.  We get one more day of his coveted morning sex - before the mandated 48 hour pre-IUI abstinence.  And who wouldn't prefer to miss work on a Friday over a Thursday?

IUI: After 9 Days of Stims . . .

So, I imagine you are wondering what this morning's ultrasound revealed?  As predicted, I have 3 follicles ripe for the picking (or triggering, as the case may be):  2 @ 17mm and 1 @ 16 mm.  If we try to stim for one more day, I will most likely end up with 8 mature follicles (because I had 5 follicles that were in the 13mm - 14.5mm range this morning,  and a bunch of smaller ones under 13mm).  So, I am assuming we will trigger tonight - unless my RE is comfortable with 8 (I'm guessing he isn't, but who knows).

I am just waiting with bated breath for the final word.

Moving on . . .

I'm not sure how the weather is where you are - but there is a HORRIBLE thunderstorm raging here.  It's the kind of storm that makes you want to put on your sweats and snuggle up with a warm cup of cocoa and sit in front of the fireplace.  Or, if you prefer the romance-novel scenario, it is the kind of storm that makes you want to chase your lover into a field, get into a nonsensical but passionate argument, and then make wet and muddy love - your screams of ecstasy muffled by thunder.  At this point in my life, I must admit, I prefer the sweat pants and cocoa scenario.  I think my making-muddy-love days in the field are far behind me.  Hello, sweat pants.  Ahhhh . . . .   

I'll update when I get "the call" . . .

E2 Update

Just in - my E2 is 1592.

Same dosage tonight - ultrasound and bloodwork tomorrow AM.

IUI: After 8 Days of Stims . . .

Well, I'm still plugging along with this cycle.  My ultrasound this morning revealed that my lining is at 9mm (good news) and my lead follicle is at 16mm.  Apparently, I have 17 measurable follicles in total - but my 3 largest are at 13 mm, 14.5 mm & 16 mm. 

After speaking with my nurse this morning, it seems that I will most likely trigger tomorrow night with (hopefully) 3 mature follicles (because they worry about the other 14 follicles catching up and causing cancellation).  3 is okay by me.  If I trigger tomorrow, then I have my insemination on Thursday.  (How exciting, my first IUI!) 

In any event, I go back to the office tomorrow morning for another blood draw and ultrasound.

June promises to be an action-packed month.  Not only do I have the culmination of this cycle, but my 5th wedding anniversary is this-coming Saturday, June 7th.  I had my first miscarriage 3 days after my first wedding anniversary - so anniversaries are always a bit bittersweet.  I love my husband and I am thankful to have him in my life - but sometimes it is difficult to separate "marriage" from the pain that our reproductive attempts have brought into our lives.  I always thought that the "hard part" would be finding someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with - and that the rest would be easy once I found that special someone.  Of course, life experience has taught me differently - but there isn't any one I would rather suffer with than my husband.  Ah, love!  (I'm quite the romantic, aren't I?)

I'll update with my E2 when I get "the call." 

IUI: After 5 Days of Stims . . .

This morning's ultrasound revealed (drum roll, please . . . . ) 5 lovely follicles @ or above 10mm:  2 on my right (one at 10mm, and one at 11mm), and 3 on my left (2 at 11.5mm, and one at 11mm). 

The measurements of those 5 follicles were all that my ultrasound tech revealed to me - and I didn't ask for any further information.  This is all part of my new "mellow" approach to infertility treatment.  Of course, NOT asking questions is going against every fiber of my  "Type A" being.  You see, I like to know EVERYTHING so that I can Google things to death and make cute little charts and compare this cycle to previous cycles, etc, etc . . . But, I am telling myself that if things were truly grim (and cancellation seemed imminent), surely my trusty ultrasound tech would mention that, right?  So, I am assuming that all is well until unless I am told otherwise.  If I am going to get canceled, I am going to get canceled.  I have no more control over whether or not this cycle is canceled than over whether or not I will EVER have a child.  So, why stress about it?  (The voice inside my head is saying that if I don't get more information on this cycle soon, I am going to have to reorganize my husband's closet). 

Still, when the phlebotomist was taking my blood (after my ultrasound) and reviewing "the stats" that the ultrasound tech had input into the system regarding my ovaries, she said, "Whoa!  You have a lot of follicles growing!  This is an IUI cycle, right?"  I responded, "Yes, this is an IUI cycle."  And, even with the phlebotomist trying to bait me with her comment, I didn't ask how many follicles I had brewing.  I barely batted an eyelash.  So, maybe I am getting more mellow.  Who knows?

Then, I got the call from the nurse with today's E2.  My E2 was 440.  The nurse seems happy with that number, so I am happy.  I am to continue on 75 IU of Follistim through the weekend and I return to the office on Monday for another look-see.

Hopefully, my ovaries will continue to cooperate . . . Or maybe my RE will let me trigger even if I end up with more than 6 mature follicles.  I mean, my chart is REALLY pathetic . . .

IUI: After 3 Days of Stims . . .

Well, the first ultrasound of a new cycle is never as exciting as I want it to be.  In my mind, there should be a sizable parade with a dixieland jazz band playing "When the Saints Come Marching In," while I crowd-surf my way into the the ultrasound room - much to the merriment of on-lookers; but that just never seems to happen.  Instead, I am pleasantly greeted by the familiar staff and I get some small talk, a quick ultrasound to confirm that my ovaries have grown since my baseline and a blood draw to check my E2. It is all over in the blink of an eye.  After all, I've only been on stims for 3 days; the party in my ovaries has only just begun.

Anyway, here is the take-away from this morning's ultrasound:  My lead follicle on my right ovary is at 8mm, on my left it is at 9mm.

But, here is the kicker:  My E2 is already at 187 (which is a bit high - well, actually it is double what they would like).  Last cycle, on the exact same dosage of stims, my E2 after FOUR days of stims - a day more than today's check - was only 115.  115 after four days of stims in an IUI cycle is the kind of number they are looking for.  187 after three days of stims has the nurse at my clinic nervously wringing her hands and talking to me as if I am about to explode.  187 after three days of stims is an IVF number, not an IUI number.  It is amazing how your same body can respond so differently to the exact same dosage of stims only 2 short months apart.

So, the plan is: we will continue on the dosage of 75IU of Follistim for the next two days and I return to the office on Friday for another peek at my girly bits (you know:  my ovaries and uterine lining.) Hopefully, my ovaries will simmer down a bit and all will be well.  Please don't let me get cancelled.  Please.

I promise to keep you apprised of any new developments.

IUI: After 2 days of stims . . .

So, here I am - after 2 days of stims - with not much to report.  Although, I must admit that I am starting to get excited about this cycle.  My heart is all aflutter.  There is something about the onset of a fresh and shiny new cycle that is brimming with endless possibility.  Maybe this is THE ONE.  Of course, my other personality is whispering that maybe I can't even get pregnant any more.  I mean, that last cycle didn't work.  But, I am trying to ignore "the dark side" of my consciousness and focus on the positive.  I imagine that my eggs are plumping up nicely right now - with a little encouragement from my old friend, Follistim - and that one of those developing eggs will be my perfect little baby in approximately 9  months . . .

Dare to dream . . . .

In any event, I am looking forward to tomorrow morning's appointment to get a glimpse of what is happening inside me.

Did I mention that I am SO hungry?  Why do hormones make me so hungry?  In my first IVF cycle I gained 10 pounds, then I realized that I can't listen to my hormone-induced hunger.  It is all an illusion.  Now, I am careful to maintain my normal diet and block out the screams inside my head for more of everything.   

In totally non-reproduction-related news, we had a thoroughly enjoyable Memorial Day weekend.  We kicked it off with a date on Friday night:  Dinner out, followed by Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull for dessert.  (I love you, Indy!)  That was followed by the laziest, most unproductive, most delightful Saturday ever on record.  Then, on Sunday we managed to muster up some energy and actually leave the house and we went on a 13 mile scenic bike ride and ate lunch at a cafe at the state park.  Then, we went to Lowe's so my husband could indulge in his fantasy to turn our garage into a Gladiator-filled wonderland.  Which brings us to yesterday:  we cleaned out our garage in preparation for all of Mike's garage fantasies to come true.  The next phase is spackling the garage walls and I'll be leaving that to Mike, since I lack any semblance of spackling prowess.  Actually, this whole "garage thing" is really his baby - so I believe my involvement in this project is effectively over. 

Do any of you watch The Tudors on Showtime (about the life of young King Henry XIII)?  In the series, King Henry is just winding up his marriage to Anne Boelyn - and in the last episode she had her second miscarriage in a very disturbing scene.  But, I have a few comments:  First of all, I would have been sooooo beheaded in those days (for failure to produce male issue, or any "issue" for that matter - since the superstitious ways of the time lead people to believe that miscarriages were due to some sort of "curse" or "overexertion" on the woman's part).  Secondly, they said that she miscarried a "deformed" male child at 4 months, but the tiny body that they showed looked MUCH larger than 4 months.   Lastly, I laughed heartily when King Henry said that the boy that Anne Boelyn miscarried couldn't have been his because he was "deformed."  Oh, King Henry, you have SOOOOOO much to learn about genetics . . .

Back in the Saddle

Yesterday morning, I was greeted with the (long) awaited arrival of my period [brief, happy dance - ending with jazz hands].  So, like any good infertility patient, I called my clinic just after 9am (when my clinic's "normal business hours" begin, and an actual person answers the phone) to report my Cycle Day One.  Since I've been through this process more times than I care to remember, I know that when I make this call, the standard operating procedure is to schedule an appointment on day 2, 3, or 4 of my cycle for baseline bloodwork and ultrasound.  However, the impending holiday threw a great, big, hulking monkey wrench into that plan.  You see, my clinic doesn't allow "weekend" appointments for baselines. And, even though Memorial Day is on a Monday, it falls under the "weekend" rule because the satellite offices (including the one that I frequent) are closed for the holiday.  So, the nurse at my office said that I had to get my rear into the office THAT DAY before 10:45 for bloodwork and ultrasound. 

Great. 

So, I dropped everything (including the perfect latte that I had only begun to sip at a nice, leisurely pace - as God intended - before calling my clinic. Oh, it was hard to say goodbye to all of that frothy goodness) and eased on down to the clinic to wait for EONS (ok - an hour) for the bloodiest vaginal ultrasounding that ever was (I swear it was like a crime scene!  No wonder they don't normally schedule baselines for day 1.)  But, the baseline was fine and all systems are GO!  I start juicing tomorrow night (Sunday) with the same dosage as last time (150 iu of follistim for 2 days, then drop down to 75 iu) and I return to the clinic for a follow-up Wednesday morning. 

Happy Memorial Day!